Recovering While Your Baby Is in Neonatal Care

Your postnatal care still applies

This is the thing that gets lost. When your baby is on a unit, every conversation is about them, and it becomes very easy for nobody — including you — to check on you.

NICE NG194 does not make an exception. It requires that at each postnatal contact a midwife assesses the woman's physical health, including symptoms and signs of infection; pain; vaginal discharge and bleeding; bladder function; bowel function; nipple and breast discomfort and signs of inflammation; symptoms and signs of thromboembolism; symptoms and signs of anaemia; and symptoms and signs of pre-eclampsia. Perineal healing is added after a vaginal birth, and wound healing and signs of wound infection after a caesarean.

It also requires that "At each postnatal contact, assess the woman's psychological and emotional wellbeing," and that women are given "the opportunity to talk about her birth experience," with information about birth reflection services if appropriate.

If you have been travelling to the unit every day and nobody has taken your blood pressure or looked at your wound in a week, that is a gap. Ring your community midwife team and say so.

The red flags do not change

NICE NG194 tells women to seek medical advice without delay for: sudden or very heavy vaginal bleeding, or persistent or increased bleeding; abdominal, pelvic or perineal pain, fever, shivering, or discharge with an unpleasant smell; leg swelling and tenderness, or shortness of breath; chest pain; persistent or severe headache; and worsening reddening and swelling of the breasts lasting more than 24 hours.

The specific risk in this situation is that you will dismiss all of it. You are exhausted, you are sleeping badly, you are in a hospital anyway, and everyone around you is focused on someone smaller. Being in a hospital building is not the same as being under anyone's care. If you have any of those symptoms, say so out loud to a member of staff, and say that you are the mother and you gave birth on such a date.

Expressing milk

The NHS explains why this matters when a baby is sick or premature: "To begin with, your baby may be too small or too sick to feed themselves. You can express some of your breast milk, which can be given to your baby through a tube." It adds: "Your milk has particular benefits, especially if your baby is sick or premature, as it's enriched with proteins (such as antibodies), fats and minerals."

Two practical points from the NHS. First, ask for help early: "Talk to a midwife at the hospital about how you can express breast milk for your baby. The hospital may have breast pumps you can use." Second, on quantity: "There's no need to worry about how much milk you produce — every bit helps your baby." Drops of colostrum in the first days are genuinely useful, and a low volume is not a failure.

The NHS also notes that if your baby cannot have your milk yet, "the milk can be frozen and given to them when they're ready," and that you can express at home for the nurses to give while you are away.

The National Breastfeeding Helpline is 0300 100 0212, and its own site states the line is "open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year." Expressing for a baby on a unit is one of the harder versions of this, and it is a legitimate reason to ring at 3am.

Being with your baby

The NHS is encouraging about contact: "Once your baby is stable, you'll be able to hold them. The nurses will be able to help you take your baby out of the incubator and show you how to have skin-to-skin contact. Your baby will benefit greatly from physical contact with you. You can talk to your baby as well — this can help both of you."

Before that point, it says, "if your baby's incubator does not [have an open top], you can put your hands through the holes in the side of the incubator to stroke and touch them," and encourages you to "Ask the nurse to explain what everything is for and show you how you can be involved in your baby's care. You may be able to change your baby's nappy, wash them and change their clothing."

Doing the small tasks matters more than it may feel like it does. It is your baby, and being the person who changes the nappy is part of being their parent even in that room.

The mental health part

Having a baby in neonatal care is a recognised route into anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress. The separation, the alarms, the uncertainty and the daily travelling all take a measurable toll, and the feelings often arrive later, sometimes after your baby comes home.

NICE CG192 gives the questions clinicians should ask, and they are worth asking yourself: "During the past month, have you often been bothered by feeling down, depressed or hopeless?" and "During the past month, have you often been bothered by having little interest or pleasure in doing things?" For anxiety: "Over the last 2 weeks, how often have you been bothered by feeling nervous, anxious or on edge?"

CG192 also asks clinicians to assess the mother and baby relationship at all postnatal contacts and to discuss any concerns you raise. If you feel detached from a baby you have barely been able to hold, that is an expected consequence of the situation, not evidence about you as a mother.

If you cannot keep yourself safe, ring Samaritans on 116 123, free from any phone, day or night, across the UK and Ireland — or 999 if you are in immediate danger.

Support that exists for this specifically

Bliss is the UK charity for babies born premature or sick, and it offers "a wide range of free services for the families of premature and sick babies including a video call support service," alongside emotional and practical support and information organised by stage.

The NHS also notes that not all hospitals provide specialist neonatal services, so your baby may be transferred — and that staff "should make sure you receive all the information, communication and support you need." Ask for it. Ask what the plan is, ask what today's numbers mean, and ask who to ring overnight.

Practical things that make the weeks survivable

Ask about parent accommodation, travel and parking help, and what food is available on the unit. Ask whether your community midwife can see you at the hospital rather than at home. Take your own painkillers and pads with you. Eat something at fixed times, because otherwise it does not happen. And ask someone to be your single point of contact for updating everyone else, so you are not retelling the day fifteen times.